.:EnErgiZeR bUnNY pErsOniFied:.

This is a nice, but  sad song. I heard it the other day and couldn’t keep it out of my head. Maybe because I can relate to the sad lyrics and Ella’s langorous, almost moaning voice. It has come to a point in my life that I have lost my "autonomy"… my independence. I was full of life, but now, I feel that life escapes me… I sooo want it back. It’s a sad thought.

Ella Fitzgerald Cry Me A River Lyrics

Now you say you’re lonely
You cried the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
Now you say you’re sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
Cause I cried, I cried
I cried a river over you
You drove me,
Nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember?
I remember all that you said
Told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and
Now you say you say love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
You drove me
Nearly drove me out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember?
I remember all that you said
Told me love was to plebeian
Told me you were through with me…
And now, now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do…
Come on! and cry, cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river…
Cause I cried a river over you
If my pillow could talk
Imagine what it would’ve said
T’would be a river of tears
I cried in bed
So you can cry me a river
Daddy, go ahead now and cry that river
Cause I cried how I cried
A river over you

nafifeel nyo na ba kung gaano kainit ngayon?! wala lang. sobrang init lang na sobrang gusto mong maghurumentado! hehe.. haay.. chika ko lang, may nangungulit sa kin sa office, nakakatawa. pano ba naman, nagpapapasa ng "notes"! can you imagine?! as in "notes".. highschool?! ayun, wala lang.. napahiya ko ata eh. tumayo kasi ako at nagannounce out loud, "whoever is passing this note around, can’t you just approach me and ask me yourself?", ayoko pa naman sa lahat yung tsope.. pero sabagay, even if he had the guts to ask, i’d still turn the guy down.. hindi kasi ako marunong magpa-run around. if hindi kita feel, i’d tell you right away, "friends na lang". eh hindi ko kasi sya type eh. sabi nga daw mayaman.. eh ano naman diba? i’m not your typical girl na madadala sa regalo no. similar to someone else i know, naghahanap pa rin kami ng "magic". oo, magic! mahilig ako sa salamangkero.. charos! :p and yes, i’m still one of those hopeless romantics looking for that "someone" that’s for me somewhere out there (beneath the pale moonlight.. hehehe!). sabi nga ni mommy emy, hindi na daw uso yun ngayon. ewan ko ba.. my point is, if you’re going to enter a relationship and the person doesn’t really mean anything to you, the loss of the relationship would be nothing, the relationship itself would mean nothing. if you think about it, if your partner would tell you, "i want out" what would you say? "go ahead"? gets? you’re probably going to anticipate the end of it right at the beginning. if it’s going to be that way, why engage yourself in the relationship in the first place if you’re only going to find yourself wishing the end of it? walang sense right? oo na, pathetic siguro.. that’s my point of view lang naman. anyway… alam nyo ba? i saw my little half sister for the first time the other day. ang saya. sobrang saya ko, naiyak ako, promise! i don’t have a sister kasi.. i have a younger brother, then yung half brother ko na eldest sa kanila yung naikita lang namin, then all my cousin’s children are boys. kaya sobrang saya, may girl na.. her name is Karla, if i had a picture of her, i’d show it here. sobrang gandang bata. she looks like me daw sabi ng yaya ng nephews ko, except her eyes are mestiza eyes, my mom is chinita kasi. only eight years old. the injustice of it all.. yung family kasi nila, well, they live in a slums area.. ;( what would be the future of the girl? i’m thinking of sending her to college someday, kung kaya ko na. haay  sad, kung may sarili lang kaming bahay, i’d want to keep her there. it’s her birthday on the 26th. gusto ko makabond yung bata. i’ll post pics when we go out. dakilang ate nanaman syempre! ganun talaga.

so kamusta naman sa mga taong nakikiupdate? hehe..well i’m happy to say i feel a lot better now.. true! haay.. siguro the break down was long over due. still wondering why though.. hindi ko ma-psychologize ang sarili ko. wag lang sana magkaron ng suicidal tendency.. harhar! joke!! i’m not stupid.. i love life even if it’s not smooth and silky all the way (pantene?).. haay life oh life.. at least i could say i’m back to my old self.. all smiles!

having a hard time getting some shut eye of course, it is so untolerably hot!!! nakakapanghina..it’s been like three days that i haven’t had some decent sleep because of the weather.. thank goodness it rained last night..

doesn’t it feel great when it rains? i don’t know.. i love it when it rains.. there’s always something so unexplainably soothing about it.. apart from the fact that it feels a lot cooler.. ^_^ have you tried walking under the rain? yes i know, if you left your umbrella at home of course you wouldn’t have any choice!? i mean seriously, just walk under the rain just ‘coz you want to.. i’ve tried it.. crazy right? wala lang.. there were just times that it seems as if raindrops are beckoning me to join them.. i would go out with my umbrella or sometimes without it, and just walk.. lalo na pag medyo malakas.. ang saya kaya.. wag lang kumikidlat ng todo! hehe.. maybe you’re thinking "may pagka-weirdo pala si KC".. hehe.. ngayon nyo lang nalaman?

i went to ja rule’s concert pala this week end.. wala lang, it wasn’t as much fun as i expected it would be.. honest!! it just lasted for a couple of hours.. prestige lang kasi foreign artist.. well, masmasaya nung after the concert! hehe..i saw diana zubiri by the way, but that’s not the fun that i was talking about..apart from the feeling close guys calling her by her first name while she was walking along araneta coliseum.. after the concert, pumunta ako sa gig nung mga tropa ko sa may Tio Dante’s (Firm Session band), syempre loner-loneran.. pero andun naman sila rhea and friends.. :p kaya syempre, riot ito! hehe! wala lang, nagsasasayaw, nagiiinom, what you would usually do sa bar.. namiss ko kasi ang night life.. and syempre kahit paos-paos kakasigaw sa concert ni ja rule, pinakanta ako. guest singer ito! why not.. hahaha!!! i had my own concert.. social diba? anyway, sya, tapos na ang updates ko for this post.. abangan ang susunod na… peace out!

Life is so semi kinda unfair for me right about now.. wala lang.. haay.. not to divulge everything naman in this post diba? kaya lang alam mo yun? normal lang ba na ang dami mong cargo at an early, early age.. i know, i know.. God wouldn’t give me any of this if He knew i couldn’t take it, or if He knew that i wouldn’t be able handle it.. i know i can handle it, i know i’m strong.. its just that it’s so hard to be responsible for everything all at once then take ALL of the pressure that goes with those responsibilities and then be alone all the way.. i know my friends are there to support me, and i thank all of them for that.. they are one of the reasons that i’m still standing right now despite of all the hardships in my life.. but they are not the ones carrying the burden directly.. heck! this isn’t the worst scenario that you could encounter in general, kung compared with other people’s lives, maliit na bagay lang siguro ang problema ko.. i still count my blessings no! ang hirap lang talaga.. parang i have to crawl all the way para lang makalampas sa kung ano pa mang sitwasyon meron ako ngayon.. like nung this week, nasobrahan siguro, i collapsed all of a sudden.. i broke down crying.. something that has never happened to me before.. nagulat ako sa nangyari sa sarili ko.. pero masarap umiyak, parang after nun, hindi man nawala ang problema, magaan naman pakiramdam mo compared to how you first started out.. i almost never usually cry over things.. i don’t not because i don’t want to.. it’s just that i think that i shouldn’t.. maybe you’ll think that i’m stupid or something kaya lang kasi, there are a lot of people looking up to me for strength, and i don’t want them to see their pillar crumbling down.. gets? ang hirap no? well, guess that’s how life goes..